


Nessie-ssary Numinosity

by remarkable1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Camp Director Phil Coulson, Camper Luna Lovegood, Camping, Crossover, F/M, Friendship, Loch Ness, Loch Ness Monster, Magical Creatures, Memory Charm | Obliviate (Harry Potter), Mythical Beings & Creatures, Other, Phil Coulson Has the Patience of a Saint, Scotland, Sneaking Around, annoyed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27788890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remarkable1/pseuds/remarkable1
Summary: Luna simply wants to have a friendly chat with an old friend. Director Coulson is having none of her sneaking around. It's not wise to annoy Nessie, or a Lovegood, for that matter, Mr. Coulson. Nope. Not good at all.
Relationships: Phil Coulson & Luna Lovegood
Kudos: 7
Collections: Cast the Dice 2020





	Nessie-ssary Numinosity

This work has been created for Facebook's Wizarding Crossover Connection's Cast The Dice 2020 Event. My roll was three's. The chosen trope used is Summer Camp A/U.

Director Coulson blew sharply on the whistle hanging 'round his neck to get the campers' attention.

"Alright, everyone!" He clapped for emphasis. "Gather up your things! It's time to head back to the caravan site for lunch!"

The teens groaned, a few skipping the last of the stones they'd collected along the shore before heeding the Director's call.

Camping on the shores of Loch Ness, they grew tired of the Director's strict schedule. All they wanted to do was try and catch a glimpse of the rumored monster of Loch Ness. So far, all they'd seen was a lot of water, a few storms, and some tourist boats chugging around loaded with camera-toting, wide-eyed tourists.

"Man, this place sucks. I wish my parents would have sent me to soccer camp instead," complained one thirteen-year-old boy.

"What was that? The group didn't hear you," Coulson said, motioning for the boy to come up to the front.

Gulping slightly, the boy backpedaled. "Uh, just clearing my throat, Director, sorry!"

"That what I thought."

It took very little to set off the mild-mannered looking man. Looks were deceiving. NO ONE wanted to clean the latrines two weeks in a row. 

Gross.

They formed a single file line and trudged back toward camp.

Just as Coulson turned to count heads and make sure all were accounted for, a commotion in the distance caught his attention.

"Oh, no. Not again."

He took off running, shouting behind him, "Jason, you're in charge! Get the campers back and seated, please!"

The students murmured, a few snickering.

"If it weren't for Kayla and Mike, this entire trip would suck," one girl piped up, other heads nodding in agreement with her.

Fireworks shot up into the air, exploding spectacularly. The perpetrators would be long gone by the time their shenanigans were done exploding, and the Director would be foaming at the mouth.

The line-up and interrogation-style questioning they'd endure as a group later were worth the panicked, apoplectic expression on Coulson's face. It was a challenge to see how many times they could get him to break Director face when they were at camp, in front of witnesses.

They shuffled back, Jason not bothering to do the headcount, knowing that no one dared risk Coulson's wrath after the fireworks stunt.

Well. Almost no one.

\--

Coulson counted and counted again. The mess hall was silent except for the clinking of forks, spoons, and water glasses. The unhappy campers were extremely pissed off with their punishments.

ALL of their electronics, including phones, were confiscated for an undetermined amount of time. Coulson had them writing _lines_ all afternoon. More than one camper had writer's cramp, shaking out their hands from time to time. New latrines needed to be dug. Oh, joy. 

They just knew he was asking about the area to find the worst jobs he could possibly find. The grosser and dirtier, the better. Squinting, Coulson marched over to table four.

"Where is Miss Lovegood?"

The campers shrugged their shoulders.

"Dunno."

"Beats me."

Gritting his teeth, unbelieving she'd been missing all afternoon, he made sure his camp counselor partner took over while he raced out into the twilight, heading straight down to the Loch.

Heart in his throat, palms sweating at the lawsuit he'd be facing when they pulled her dead body from the lake – if it was ever found – he breathed a huge sigh of relief, pausing before he came into her line of sight when he saw her safe and sound, feet dangling into the Loch and humming to herself.

Marching up to her, making his footsteps as loud as possible, he cleared his throat when he reached the area two feet from where she sat.

Her dreamy-eyed expression irritated him. The girl had been nothing but trouble since she'd arrived, always seeming to slip out from under his thumb, getting herself into scrapes that technically weren’t possible based on whatever activity they'd been doing at the time. Coulson'd be damned if he let this little upstart be the first camper to slip his tight leash and get away with it.

About to lay into her, he raised a finger when she interrupted him before he even spoke.

"Lovely evening for Nessie to romp about, no?"

Turning from him, she held out her hand and giggled, moving it as if petting something. 

Coulson squinted at her, then at the lake. "Are you high?"

"Not at all. Unless you mean, am I in the Highlands?"

"Idiot. You know damn well what I mean! Get up here. We're taking you back to your bunk. You're under bunk arrest for two days. I'm calling your father to pick you up. I've had it up to here with your tricks." Coulson held his hand in a chopping motion up to his neck as he spoke, leaning in to yank her up with his other arm.

A sudden gust of wind and something large rammed into him from the side, knocking the breath out of him as he hit the ground chin-first, eating dirt. Sputtering, head spinning, he gasped and rolled over, eyes wide.

"How in the hell did you do that?"

Luna looked at him with those serene doe-eyes. "It wasn't me, silly. Nessie thought you attacking me, so she came to my defense."

"Bullshit! Tell me how you managed to knock me over! Do you have a little accomplice hiding around here or what?"

He stood up and attempted to wipe the dirt from his uniform and face to no avail, mud sticking to his cheek, chin, nose, and forehead. "Damnit. Now I have to take a shower. The cleaning costs for this uniform are getting billed to your account, missy!"

"Nessie. Her name is Nessie. I really don't think it's wise to anger her, sir. She's hungry and only stopped by this evening to say hello. Nessie's quite busy organizing a family reunion the next few days, you see."

"There's nothing there! You're a lunatic!" he shouted, losing his cool. He picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could, the alarmed Luna attempting to reach out and stop him as she stood quickly, not fast enough to halt the stone that flew from his grasp.

With a _THUNK_ , the stone stopped mid-air and fell straight down, plopping into the Loch below. Coulson's jaw dropped as an enormous, serpent-like creature materialized before his eyes, opening its mouth and hissing at him. A full set of gleaming teeth greeted him, and he screamed, almost crapping his pants; he was so terrified.

"It's a monster! Run!"

Now Luna rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, admonishing Nessie. "Now you see what you've done? I'm not supposed to perform magic while I'm out of school. You've forced my hand."

The creature gave a friendly, _’WHUFF’_ at her, nudging her playfully with its large head.

"I could never stay mad at you. Do me a favor, would you? Turn invisible again, and make sure no one can see us."

Coulson was gibbering, his mouth opening and closing without sound, wetness staining the front of his pants as he urinated himself.

"It's a shame my Father had to go through all this trouble just to get me here. Next time, I’m going about visiting _my_ way. Muggles are so tedious."

Withdrawing her wand from where it held her long blonde hair in place atop her head, she performed a limited _Obliviate_ on the poor Director. With a bored tone, she sighed, "You gave me permission to watch the sunset because I've been a huge help and on my very best behavior. I'm your favorite student. You came to tell me how proud of me you are for helping out around camp. You will offer me a piece of chocolate cake when we return to camp. You tripped over a rock and fell on your way over."

Luna gestured and turned him around, so he was facing away, then flicked her wand, cleaning his person, so all but a few scrapes and a little dirt remained, along with the bruises he'd acquired. Tidying her own person, she wrapped her wand and hair back up atop her head once more.

She backed up and placed a hand on the now-invisible Nessie, closing her eyes, resting her head against the creature's scaly chest. "I'm going to miss you, old friend. Say hello to Mother for me, would you? Father said her spirit visits from the Underworld from time to time."

Another whuff was her answer. "Goodbye," she said softly, waving as the water rippled, surged, then was still once more. "I hope to see you again soon," she whispered.

Just then, Coulson's big hand landed gently on her shoulder. "Miss Lovegood! Are you done watching the sunset? I'm so proud of you for all the hard work you've done for the camp this year! Come, let's head back to camp! I've been saving a piece of chocolate cake for you!"

"Oh, yes, sir. Right away. Thank you. The sunset was beautiful."

Luna bit the side of her cheek as Coulson rattled on about nothing the entire way back, trying her best not to smile when Coulson paused. 

"Huh. The sky clouded over. I hope you got to see a little bit of the sunset, at least."

"Yes, Director. I got to see the last of it before the cloud cover blew in."

Whew. That had been close.

The other kids only were able to let their eyes bug out, and mouths gape like dead codfish as Coulson pulled up a chair next to the Director's table and personally served her the last piece of chocolate cake.

She waved at them and winked, taking a big bite. "Mm. This is _delicious.”_


End file.
